Unfortunately, summer is coming to an end meaning this momma has to go back to work. I started this week with a planning day with my second grade teacher friends, and have spent the rest of the week getting my classroom ready! However, I am finding it very hard to focus on the tasks at school. Since I have spent everyday of the last 3 1/2 months with Kynlee, I somewhat feel like I'm abandoning her by going back to work. But, I absolutely love our sitter and her family! I feel confident that she is going to love Kynlee as if she were her own! I am so happy God led them to us to care for little miss Kynlee. So, when duty calls I must go.
On another note, I met with my obgyn this week and discussed the possibility and risks of future children. He said given the genetics with my mom having severe preclampsia during both pregnancies and the risks and unknowns (i.e. if the baby will come later, or earlier, if my condition will worsen later or quicker, etc) it may be best to count our blessings and enjoy Kynlee. He really put it into perspective when he told me that I now have Kynlee to look after and he would hate to see her left without a new sibling and/or mother because of pregnancy complications that could have been avoided. Of course, we can always get a second opinion from the maternal and high risk pregnancy specialist I saw in Houston if we decide later that we want to try again. Although this news was, for lack of a better word, devastating for Trey and I (as we really had hoped to have 2 -3 children) we have decided to just let it go. Sometimes, that is very hard for me! Having children is supposed to be a natural part of life for young women! I work hard to lead a healthy lifestyle, so it's somewhat overwhelming to hear that a task I am MEANT to do as a woman, may not be possible. Also, I feel like I am letting my husband down. Never once has he even come close to eluding to the fact that he is angry or upset with me over this issue. In fact, he has been my greatest support of all! However, I know how much he really wanted a son. So, knowing that we possibly can't try for a boy is disheartening. Yet, we weren't planning for Kynlee to come and look how God has blessed with her. We know that God doesn't make mistakes, so if it is in His will, it will happen.
All of that being said, it is time move on. The hype, stress, and drama over our "first child experience" is now over and life is resuming as normal. This "test" will remain a part of us and will continue to increase our testimony on how faith and prayer can truly make a difference. But, it is now time to apply the things we learned to the new adventures we will face as Kynlee continues to grow into the amazing young lady that God designed her to be! :)
"And He took the children in his arms, put His hands on them and blessed them.” Mark 10:16
